3 ways to grow confidence and clarity as a speaker
April 29th, 2016
One of the coolest parts of my job is that I get to hang out with smart people who are deeply passionate about what they do.
But even the smartest and most passionate people (like you) get up close and personal with some mighty demons when they decide to put themselves out as a speaker.
Witnessing them take on these demons, and watch confidence and clarity blossom and shine as an EXTRAORDINARY TALK comes to fruition is an honor and a delight.
I suspect that if you’re reading this, you’re one of them.
I often say to business owners that speaking is the fast-track to cash. (It is)
But perhaps even more important is that speaking is the fast-track to confidence and clarity.
It goes something like this. There are generally two different paths:
You know you’re ready to grow your business / expand your message.
You decide to give a talk
Your mighty demons say “NO WAY YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”
You say OK.
You sit down and go back to being small.
OR
You know you’re ready to grow your business / expand your message.
You decide to give a talk
Your mighty demons say “NO WAY YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”
You say “Wait a minute. Who are you?”
You take them on.
Your confidence and clarity skyrocket.
See?
Those demons ain’t got nuthin’ on you!
Here are 3 things you can try when the demons do take up house in your brain:
1. Start anyway!
For lots of folks, the demons move in way before you’ve even started crafting your talk. These demons sound something like this:
“I’m not ready yet.”
“It’s not the right time.”
“I still have to do a little more therapy to get over my fear.”
“I’ve got to [update my website, design my logo, get clear on my branding, rearrange piles on my desk] before I start writing my talk.”
These are your demons cleverly disguised as “good reasons not to take on this kinda scary project.”
My stealth research has shown that 98% of the time these are your demons cleverly disguised as “good reasons not to take on this slightly terrifying and life-altering project RIGHT NOW.”
Of course. Good for them. They’re doing their best to keep you safe. But you don’t need that kind of safety anymore, so START ANYWAY!!
Whatever your demons are telling you, take the first step. Begin. Here’s a good place to start.
2. Keep going anyway!
Maybe you saw that meme about the creative process that was going around social media a while back. I’m sorry that I don’t know who to credit it to. (Let me know if you do!) But it’s genius.
This is the creative process in a nutshell:
This is awesome
This is tricky
This is shit
I am shit
This might be OK
This is awesome.
When you hit the I am shit part, the demons sound something like, well…
“I am shit.”
“This is a piece of shit.”
“What was I thinking?”
“I’ll never be able to write this talk.”
“I might as well throw in the rag and get a job.”
Sound familiar? This is actually like clockwork with my clients:
They start off inspired and ready to take on anything, then they get half a block down the road and suddenly they can’t see exactly where they’re headed, but they know there’s no way they can turn around and go back because that comfy, cozy house on the corner is no longer there, so they crash into the pit of shit.
You can talk to your demons, argue with your demons, tell them to go sit in the corner, give voice to your demons, listen while they speak, talk to your inner child, tell her she’s awesome, tell her no way are you gonna let these demons have their way with her.
All that is GOOD STUFF. But when the rubber hits the road is when you KEEP GOING ANYWAY. You gotta take the next step, and the next, and the next and keep moving forward.
You can’t correct course standing still. So take imperfect action, throw shit at the wall, get your shoes covered with shit, trudge through the shit, get comfortable in the shit. That’s when it will start to clear out, and you’ll see it as compost as your crystal clear talk starts to unfold and reveal itself.
3. Give that talk anyway!
Finally, you’ve got the talk written. You’ve found that combination of passion and knowledge and technique. You feel pretty good about yourself. In fact you’ve found your way back to THIS IS AWESOME!
“I am awesome! I did it! I am a rock star! I win the prize for taking on my demons and moving forward anyway!! Look what I did, Ma! I did the thing I didn’t think I could do! Now can I come home and watch some TV and have a class of wine?”
That’s awesome!
But, um, you’re not done yet. Now you gotta go give the talk. You gotta find an audience.
This is the place so many people stop in their journey. They do the good work of getting clear about their message. They feel transformed.They celebrate.
Then they stop.
But not you! You don’t stop! (Right?!)
Here are the demons in this phase of the game:
“I’ve worked so hard. Now I can sit back and let my brilliant talk do the work.”
“Well that was a good process but I’m not really good enough to actually give the talk”
“I need to [make a speaker sheet, get a video, come up with a better title, make a few more edits, clean my office] before I can get out there and speak.”
“I suck. Never mind.”
Now. Tell those demons to go sit in the corner and get out there and speak!
Your talk might be imperfect. You might not have it just right quite yet. But that’s why you gotta give the talk. Each time you give it you get to gather information, find out what works & what doesn’t work, stay curious while staying in action.
That’s the work that’s gonna grow your confidence and clarity. You can sign up for another program and pay for more coaching and do more therapy and meditate a few more years, but until you GET BOOKED and GET OUT THERE you’re going to find yourself standing in the same place month after month, year after year.
Don’t get me wrong! I’m all for coaching. (I am one.) I’m all for working hard to hone and fine tune your technique, to make your talk an extraordinary one, to get the help you need to make it great.
But please don’t use more coaching and one more program as a way to keep yourself from moving forward.
OK? Give your talk in spite of the lies your demons might be telling you.
Get support. Get booked. Get out there.
Now, where are you in the process? Are you just getting started? Are you in the middle muck? Are you holding on to a great talk and not putting it out there? Let us know in the comments below. And tell us what your next step is.
Then take it! I can’t wait to hear you speak!
Start where you are
January 11th, 2016
Eleven days in to 2016 and I still haven’t written the “What are your goals for 2016?” post. Just in case you’re worried that this will turn into a 19-step process for getting everything you want in 2016…
You’re in luck: this is not that.
I figure everyone else and her sister has got that covered, so presumably you’re good to go with goals for the now 11-day-old year. Either that or you’re not, and as far as I can tell, either way is just fine.
Lost of folks have been asking for updates on my Dad’s health.
In case you don’t know what’s been going on, here’s a link to part 1 of the story, with a couple of great pictures of me & my Dad.
The short version is that my Dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma in June, started chemo treatment in July, then stopped treatment and entered hospice in August. At that point the doctors suggested he would live another month.
It’s now 5 months later and he’s still plugging along—doing pretty well, in fact.
Yesterday when I talked to him he asked about how the story slam was going and said “Well maybe we’ll take a drive out there later this spring and come to one of your slams.” I plan to be in Ohio with him in a couple of weeks to help celebrate his 89th birthday.
Oh what a mystery this living & dying thing is.
When my Dad entered hospice, I pressed pause on my business and made spending time with him and my family a priority, which has been a huge gift.
AND I’m happy to say that my business has continued to grow, even in the face of this pause.
What this means is that apparently it IS possible to run a successful business without the urgency and push of “Gotta do the next thing! Gotta watch that teleseminar! Gotta expand my market! Gotta work harder! Gotta make six figures!”
It IS possible to build a business that sustains you, and serves others, and leaves room for you to tend to the things in your life that matter most.
This is where YOU come in. I’d love to know how the last few months have been for you and your business. (or your change-the-world mission, as the case may be.)
What’s up with you and speaking?
Is that signature talk still rattling around inside you? Or have you been out there speaking the good word with gusto?
Are you still shaking in your boots when it’s your turn to talk? Or have you figured out how to transform those nerves into power?
Are you pushing like crazy to get your business off the ground, but it’s just not happening? Or has your business taken flight?
How bout those things that matter most? Are you tending them well?
I believe that the first step in setting goals for the upcoming year (or month, or week, as the case may be) is to start where you are, not where you think you should be, and go from there.
So where are you? I’d love to hear an update. Here are a few fill-in-the-blank questions to helps you take a moment of pause and reflect on the current state of affairs in your business, here are 4 questions to provide just that for you:
- The most awesome thing I pulled off in my business (or creative project or change-the-world mission) in 2015 was _______________.
- When it comes to my business, it would be A-FREAKIN-MAZING if I could: ________________.
- The one thing that consistently gets in the way of me getting in front of people and speaking my truth is: ________________.
- If I could sit down with you, Johanna, and pick your brain, I would ask: ________________.
Your responses can be related to speaking or not. I may use them to kick-off some writing projects that I will share with you later this year.
So have at it.
Tell me everything.
Ask me anything.
In the meantime, I hope your 2016 is off to a rip-roaring start.
Me & My Dad: Update
September 1st, 2015
I know I’ve been out of touch for a few months. I’m writing now to let you know I haven’t disappeared for good, and to tell you a little about what’s going on with me.
My dad was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in mid-June. A month later he started chemotherapy, but after one treatment, the doctors determined that treatment was too dangerous for his weakening, 88-year-old body, and discontinued it. He’s currently at home in hospice care and I am with him in Ohio.
I have spent a fair amount of time with my dad and mom this summer. Taking this time away from my business has made sense in every way.
I’ve been able to continue working with some current clients via Skype, and I’m confident that when I get back to Boulder and am ready to dive in again, I’ll be able to reignite the fire at the heart of my business and continue to help you get your voice and your story out into the world with power and grace.
I am so deeply grateful for the time I’m getting to spend with my dad right now. So many dear friends and family have come through the house to see him during these weeks, many who have traveled from afar to be with him.
In spite of his growing weakness, and the struggle he has in speaking, he receives visitors with so much graciousness and sincere gratitude. I’m inspired by his deep appreciation for all the relationships in his life, and his open-hearted presence and good humor in the face of this unforgiving illness.
Here are a couple of pictures of me and my dad. The first from 1979ish and the second from last year.
My Dad’s a retired Presbyterian minister. You might remember this post I made in which I referred to a passage from a 16th century text he shared with me about how to be a better public speaker.
Singing hymns together is a long-time tradition in my family, so since I’ve been in Ohio my siblings and I have been piling up on my Dad’s bed at bedtime and singing hymns (and lullabies and old folk songs and anything else we come up with.)
This time together has been so precious, and I have to say I’m falling in love again and again with my dad and my whole family.
Right now my Dad’s condition is stable, so I’ve made the decision to return to Boulder to do the story slam on September 12 & 13, and to present my solo show in the Boulder International Fringe Festival September 17-27.
I hope to see you at one of these events, and I look forward to being in touch when I’m back on the ground in Boulder.
Til then, thanks for sticking with me.
How to make your public speaking fear irrelevant
June 12th, 2015
I’ll cut to the chase:
It’s not about you.
“What do you mean it’s not about me?” you might be saying.
“I’m the one getting up there putting my heart on the line and telling the world the thing I’ve been too scared to tell even my best friend or my mom. Of course it’s about me!
You told me to be vulnerable. To tell the hard stories. To tell the ones I’ve been keeping under wraps.
Now my knees are shaking and all I want to do is go hang my head over the toilet–this better freakin be about me!”
Have you ever been so scared to give a talk that you just, well…don’t give it?
You stay home instead. The talk stays inside.
“It’s too personal/edgy/weird,” you say.
“I don’t want the whole world to know that about me.”
“People would judge me.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s a story about a talk I gave, and the terror that came with it at the Spiritual Women Leaders Conference in Boulder.
The invitation was to talk about
how I walk the edge.
I immediately knew what I needed to give the talk about.
In my Midwestern US, white, middle class, Protestant family, the fact that I didn’t get married and have babies was a BIG DEAL. Something that made my (very loving) mom and dad scratch their heads for years.
AND it was a deeply spiritual path for me to walk through my own fire of not having a child–as I had always thought I would–and walk my own very personal edge.
I’m not gonna tell the whole story here, but I will tell you that I was terrified about giving it right up until the moment I walked onto the stage. For all the reasons I mention above: It was too personal. I didn’t want to have to carry the judgement of the audience. etc…
The morning of the event I stayed under the covers trying to figure out how to get out of it.
In my head I was coming up with lies I could tell…”Oh darn. My car broke down and I’m in Denver. I won’t be able to make it back to Boulder in time. Oh well.”
“I am so sick. It just came on this morning. What a bummer that I won’t be able to come tonight.”
The excuses went on and on.
But my body finally made it out the door and I went. I showed up. I gave the talk.
I remember standing backstage preparing to step onto the stage. I was nauseous and thirsty and shaking and terrified.
I did all the practices I tell my clients to do. (Like these mindset shifts)
But the thing that in the end got me out there was reminding myself…
There’s someone out there who needs to hear this talk.
That was it.
In the talk I speak about Jody Day, who gave a talk I needed to hear, and I knew there was a woman in the audience who needed to hear my talk.
So I did it for that woman.
When you step through the fear and speak in service of the person in the audience who will most benefit from your talk…
Your fear becomes irrelevant,
and anything is possible.
Have a listen to my talk. What’s the story you haven’t told yet? Tell us in the comments below.
If you want a hand telling your story, apply for a free Discovery Session, and we’ll get you on track for rocking the stage with your brave story.
STRATEGIC SPEAKING
June 1st, 2015
YOU’RE SO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO
You do amazing work. You change lives. And besides that, you love it. It brings you to life. You get in your genius zone and there’s no turning back.
You know what it’s like when you connect with a client YOU KNOW you can help. It’s like magic. A match made in heaven.
But you’re kinda having a hard time finding that person.
The clients aren’t rolling in the way you wish they were.
“But I’m doing everything right!” you say.
You’ve got a (mostly) great website. You’ve (pretty much) honed your elevator pitch. You (sometimes) go to networking events. You’re the real deal. You don’t do that thing of smearing your sales pitch all over unsuspecting customers.
That’s not you. No way. You make real connections.
YOU WANT TO SERVE.
I suspect you’re here because you know that if you want to serve,
you gotta sell what you serve.
And if you wanna sell, you gotta speak.
No big secret. It’s not rocket science:
Get in front of a roomful of people, show them what a genius you are, how well you know your stuff and how much YOU CAN HELP THEM, then they want to hire you.
Easy peasy.
So what’s the sticking point? Why do so many entrepreneurs still moan about not having enough clients?
I recently asked a room full of entrepreneurs:
“If you know that speaking is the number one way to reach more people, become the go-to expert in your field, skyrocket the Kow-Like-Trust factor and get more clients…and you’re NOT speaking, why not?”
Wanna know what they said?
We don’t know how to get gigs!
So that’s why I built this program. To help YOU book speaking gigs.
But here’s the thing: Getting booked is all about strategy.
It’s not just getting the gig, but it’s what happens before, during and after the gig that gets you connected to the clients you want to serve.
That’s why I created this course:
Strategic Speaking:
Your Path to Growing Your Business Through Public Speaking
(Yes, even if that scares the bejeezus out of you.)
It’s a 6-week online program that will show you the steps and hold you accountable to TAKE ACTION, BUILD BIG PICTURE STRATEGY and GET OUT THERE SPEAKING.
I will show you the steps, yes.
BUT the single most important thing you need is to TAKE ACTION.
And gol darnit (yes I just said gol darnit. Cuz that’s how I roll) taking action is hard when you’re sitting at home alone and your fear and self-doubt take a gentle hold on your neck so you don’t make that call, send that email, write that speaker sheet.
This is gonna be 6 weeks of FUN, COMMUNITY and ACTION.
next time we offer it live
HERE’S WHAT YOU GET:
YOU BRING:
- Your commitment and desire to get your message heard and grow your client practice
- 15-30 minutes per day to TAKE ACTION
YOU’LL WALK AWAY WITH:
- Your complete speakers packet—speaker sheet, your intro, your title & description of your talk
- If you don’t walk away with a gig, you’ll walk away with a clear action plan and the know-how for getting gigs
- A speakers hit list, with organizations, groups, conferences you want to contact
- A strategy for moving forward
HERE’S HOW IT WORKS:
You get access to new content each Monday, with bite-sized, daily action steps to move you forward. Take one baby step each day for 15-20 minutes, or do one 2 hour chunk each week. You do the work in a way that works for you, but however you work you KEEP TAKING ACTION.
We meet on ZOOM each Thursday afternoon for a Q&A, and the opportunity to set an intention for our work time together, then we use the virtual, co-working time to take the steps that otherwise we so easily kick to the wayside.
You get to do the work at your own pace, OR dive in with the live group and get the added support of your fellow speakers on the journey.
PLUS: You get lifetime access to the content, so you can return to the content any time you have a new question, and you’re invited to participate again each time I offer the class live.
We’re gonna make it so hard for you to weasel your way out of this one.
But just wait till the end of those 6 weeks!!!
YOUR INVESTMENT for everything you need to build your speaker strategy is $397.
10 steps to get to the heart of your message
May 4th, 2015
I confess.
Sometimes when I write this blog, my inner demons get in the way and I forget that I have anything of value to say.
Then I realize–hey I’ve heard my clients say THAT before. Like a hundred million times.
Is that you?
You have this passion but you can’t find the words?
You have so much to say, but you can’t seem to say anything?
I get it. It’s tough. When you’re trying to connect with your genius and your mind turns to mush, it’s hard to know which direction to turn.
I’m gonna come clean and share the most widely used 10-step process to get to the heart of your message. Here it is:
1. Turn on some music and dance.
2. Stand in front of the fridge and stare for a while. Eat an olive.
3. Check Facebook. Watch a video about how someone else is doing amazing things to make the world a better place and feel bad about yourself cuz you’re not doing those things.
4. Eat a bag of chips and decide you’ll start that cleanse tomorrow.
5. Listen to someone else’s talk and have a little comparison attack about how they’re brilliant and you’re not.
6. Admit that you didn’t actually turn on the music and dance for number 1. You just imagined yourself doing it so you beat yourself up for not dancing.
7. Think about how your competitor probably actually does turn on the music and decide she’s way cooler than you.
8. Stare hopelessly into the empty bag of chips.
9. Decide you should have kept your day job.
10. Curl up under your desk and cry.
Oh wait. Bzzzt. Sorry. Wrong list. Widely used maybe, but not very effective. Even though…um…we’ve all been there, right? I know I have.
Here’s the good news: There is another way!
You can skip all that. You’re not alone. You’re not a loser. Even on your loser days, you’re still completely human and you do have a message worth sharing.
Try this list instead:
1. This time really turn on some music and dance. Don’t just imagine it. Do it. If you don’t wanna dance, at least get up out of your chair and stretch, jump, shake, shimmy…just to get out of your head and into your body. Make some noise too. Really do it. Your body and your voice know exactly what to say!
2. Go right to the center of the stuck place let the stuck place do the talking. There’s a lot of gold there. Don’t sweep it under the rug. The only way out is through, a wise friend once told me, so give the stuck place a voice and keep right on going. (It’s how I started this blog post and, well, I kinda like the shadow list that got me going…)
3. Take your clothes off. Metaphorically speaking that is. Tell the truth. What do you really want to say? If you didn’t have to impress anyone, or sell anything, or Be Perfect, what would you say? Or, go ahead, actually take them off if that helps you get to the naked truth.
4. Set a timer and talk non-stop for 1 minute. Ask yourself:
If you had 1 minute to tell the world what YOU are here to do, what would you say?
Set it again: What’s the one thing you can’t stop talking about?
Set it again: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
Set it again: When did you face an obstacle and prevail?
5. Give yourself permission to create a Shitty First Draft (in the words of Anne Lamott). Just start getting a bunch of words on the page (or the screen, or the voice recorder, as the case may be). “Let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later.” That’s the best way to get the REAL YOU out there, the story that is only yours to tell. Trust yourself and GO.
Whatever you do, don’t do it alone. It’s way too easy for the self-doubt demons to come creeping back in. Call someone up and give them your 1-minute talk. Or schedule a chat with me and let’s talk about how to turn that idea into a client-attracting, uniquely-you, change-the-world TALK.
Till then, leave a comment in the comments below. What do you do when the self-doubt demons attack? Feel free to tell us the shadowy parts, too.
Engage your audience with these 5 tips
March 14th, 2015
Ever wonder about the best ways to engage your audience when you speak? Having trouble keeping them from falling asleep or checking their phones or slipping out the back door before you’ve even gotten to the good stuff?
Here are 5 things to try next time you get out there and share your message with the world.
1. (not to be a broken record, but yes…) Tell a story.
Do you get the heeby jeebies when you have to sell? You have a heart-centered business. A mission you’re passionate about. You want to serve. You want to make a difference. You never thought you’d have to become a salesperson when you decided to do this own-your-own-business thing, right?
But now you get it. You’re a salesperson.
When you want to engage your audience, you have to convince them to trade their current thinking for yours.
You have to show them it’s worth it. That you are offering something–even if it’s just a new way of thinking–that will be worthy of the 15 or 25 or 40 minutes they’re about to give you.
Let me tell you a story:
I used to take care of a couple of kids. Ezra was 2 when I started hanging out with him, and his sister was just born. Part of my job was to give Ezra a bath before bed, which he hated. He would hide under the kitchen table and I’d have to entice him out from under the table and into the bathtub.
One fateful night, I crawled under there with him, and started telling him a story of the Bubble Queen. I told him of this magical place upstairs in the bathroom where the Bubble Queen lived. She could make crowns and beards and horns and wings that would give you the power to fly and run fast and float.
He bought it. The story worked. It became a tradition. Whenever I was there we would meet under the kitchen table and tell stories of the Bubble Queen, then we would tiptoe up to the bathroom to see if we could find her there.
It worked every time. I told a story. He bought.
It’s the same for grown-ups. If there’s a grown-up in your audience who is “hiding under the table” and refusing to come out, tell a story and they will very likely peer out from under the table and hear what you have to say.
The story you tell will engage your audience and win their hearts. If you tell a good one, they’ll go anywhere with you.
Try it, and report back in the comments below. How’d it go?
2. Stay in the room
Who would want to engage with you if you’re not even in the room?
By that I mean, in the words of brilliant Colorado performance artist, Michelle Ellsworth, if you find yourself smoking crack in the neighbor’s backyard, have yourself a little “Come To Jesus” moment and get back in the room.
How? you ask, when your head is going a mile a minute down the path to, in the words of NYC acting coach Josh Païs, “I suck.”
Come back to your body, back to your breath. It’s OK to pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Bring your attention to your breath. Look at the people you’re talking to. Come back to the room.
This room. This moment. This here and now.
If you’re fully in the room, your audience will be there with you, engaged and wanting to hear more.
If you’re, say…smoking crack in the neighbor’s backyard, they’re likely gonna be chilling in their own backyard, or thinking about dinner, or texting their kids, or wondering why in the world they came to this talk anyway cuz what happened to the speaker? Where’d she go?
If you’re in the room, they’re in the room, engaged, so start there if you ever feel like it’s gonna take a marathon to engage your audience.
2. Start with “YOU”
I was recently at a theater event when a man in the back row collapsed. There was a rumble among audience members, while people turned around to figure out what was going on.
The woman sitting next to the man did exactly the thing we learn in “What-to-do-in-a-crisis-101.” She said, “YOU turn on the lights. YOU call 911. YOU tell everyone to stay in their seats.”
It’s kinda the same thing when you’re giving a talk.
Say the word YOU.
As in: I’m talking to YOU and there’s something in here that is going to make YOUR life better.
“What’s in it for me?” is what they’re asking, so don’t beat around the bush. Tell them. Right off the bat: Here’s what’s in it for you.
You will engage your audience. Their ears will perk up.
They will want to hear what YOU have to say.
4. Ask a question
OK I admit it. I’ve done my fair share of internet dating. You could say I have a PhD in internet dating. I wrote a play about it, and have told countless stories about dates gone bad. (and good, too. There have been a few dates that have gone good…)
One of the most amazing phenomenons is that there happen to be a bunch of guys out there who like doing all the talking.
I’m really good at asking questions. I ask them because I sincerely want to know the answers. I like finding out what makes people tick. I like going for the good stuff. I do my best to get underneath the surface sooner rather than later. It’s way more interesting that way.
But what amazes me so much of the time is that guys often don’t ask questions back. “How ’bout you? What makes you tick?” Hmph.
But let me tell you:
There’s nothing like a good question to scare up some engagement.
So ask your audience a question. And I mean REALLY ASK. Give a moment of pause to let them answer it–even if they’re just thinking the answer.
If you really want to engage your audience, have them answer it with the person next to them. You might get one or two grumbles, but I believe people are pretty happy to connect with other people, even if they might roll their eyes first.
As long as you’re asking a good question, they’re sure to engage.
5. Talk to actual people
I remember when one of my clients gave her first talk. She’d worked so hard preparing it. She was terrified. Like hang-your-head-over-the-toilet terrified.
She’d practiced in her house with plants and chairs and wall hangings as her audience. She’d practiced in the office with me as her audience. She’d practiced in front of the group of other speakers in the group training–which was as close as she ever got to an actual audience.
Even with all that practice, she reports that when she got in front of the room and noticed that there were ACTUAL PEOPLE in the audience, and they were all paying attention to her, everything changed.
There was a moment when she wanted to leave, jump out of her body and go smoke some crack in her neighbor’s backyard while her body performed everything she’d practiced.
But she didn’t leave. She stayed in the room. After that first moment, she saw they were people. She took a pause to take a breath.
She SAW them. People. Real people. She felt herself: a real person.
She saw their faces, their smiles, their eagerness to engage.
They WANT to engage. And she wanted to engage too. So that’s what she did. She engaged. With her whole body and heart and voice. She engaged.
That’s ultimately what will invite the audience in: YOUR OWN engagement.
Engagement is a two-way street.
When her talk ended, she said “Oh! That’s what engagement feels like.” Apparently her audience felt engaged too, because many of them wanted to stay engaged, and signed up to work with her.
Got any secrets on how to engage your audience?
Tell us about it in the comments below.
4 mindset shifts for delivering your kick-ass talk
February 1st, 2015
My mind can often be my own worst enemy–telling me lies about myself, talking me out of taking risks, or wanting to go into hiding after I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone.
If you have similar adventures with your mind, here are some key mindset shifts that will get under that nasty (but well-meaning) voice and get you speaking up and out with comfort and grace next time you find yourself in front of a group.
Have fun!
1. You are already amazing
When I first started speaking and performing, it was all about getting love. All I wanted was for people to say “You are amazing. You are brilliant. I am in love with you. Will you marry me?”
It was as if the moment I finished my talk I inhaled, and I couldn’t exhale until someone said “That was amazing.”
If no one told me I was amazing, then I would curl up in a ball in the bathroom and shiver and shake and sob and vow never to get on stage and speak ever again.
OK that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes it felt that bad.
So please allow me to give you a head start:
You are amazing. You are already amazing.
And besides…
2. It’s not about you
Really. It’s not.
I know. I know. You probably know this already in your head. But as we all know, it can be a long way from the head to the heart and the body.
When all you want is for people to love you, it’s hard to think much about the audience.
But it’s for real. It’s not about you. It’s about the audience and what you have to GIVE to them.
So if you’re thinking “I better do a stellar job so people think I’m awesome” how ’bout reframing that and answer these questions instead:
What impact do you want to have? What gift do you have to give? What do you want the audience to do differently after they’ve heard you talk? How can you make a real connection with your audience? How can you speak from a place of really listening?
I guarantee that if you turn your attention to your audience, your talk will be 100 times more kick-ass than if you don’t.
3. You’re the real thing.
When I first started speaking I felt like a BIG FAT FAKE.
I was waaaay out of my comfort zone and my inner critic had a hayday: Who do you think you are? What could you possibly say that these people don’t already know? What if you let them down? What if they roll their eyes in disdain? Why in the world did they invite me to speak? They have no idea what a horrible mistake they’ve made. I’m about to humiliate myself BIG TIME.
Although I’d been on stages a lot as a theater performer, the first time I gave a talk wearing my Public Speaking Coach hat, I introduced myself to the host and then promptly found my way to the bathroom where I hung my head over the toilet waiting to vomit because that’s how fiercely the fake-factor was racing through my body.
I would have rather stayed there and “called in sick” than get found out.
But I didn’t. I gave the talk. I survived.
I’m all about speaking what you know, and not what you heard someone else talk about once, or what you read on the internet for the first time this morning, but a big part of the fake-factor is just your mind doing nasty tricks on you.
It IS uncomfortable to go out of your comfort zone. (and exciting and invigorating!) But when you stretch outside of it, it actually makes it bigger, and those mean “You’re such a fake!” voices can take a back seat to your expertise.
It’s yours. Own it. Be the expert you are and share it with the world.
4. This is one talk of many more to come.
If you want them, you will have many opportunities to deliver The Talk Of Your Life. This isn’t the only talk you’ll ever give.
This is one place where members of my Women Who Speak program get hung up a lot. Because for many of them it’s their first talk, they get stuck thinking “I have to make this THE TALK OF MY LIFE. This has to be THE BEST TALK EVER. This has to capture the essence of EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED TO SAY.”
But remember, this is ONE talk. Trust that there will be many more. Each one is super important, and each one is one of many.
The more talks you give, the less precious they will become, and the more room you’ll have to make big fat mistakes, and the more willing you’ll be to take even bigger risks.
So inhale, exhale, you got this.
What works for you? What mindset shifts have you used to get more of your genius out there on stage? Leave yours in the comments below.
Tell Me Everything: How to get the good stories
January 6th, 2015
Wanna know a trick for finding the best stories? Let me tell you a story…
I have a tradition with my 17 year old niece. When she was 11, I was hanging out with her and her BFF after a holiday party her dad had. They wanted me to drive them to Dairy Queen. I said:
“I’ll drive you to Dairy Queen
if you give me some dirt on your lives.”
So we drove to Dairy Queen. They told me their 11-year-old dirt. After dishing over ice cream, we drove around for a few more hours because there was so much they had to say. That was 6 years ago.
Now whenever I visit my family in Ohio–which I do about twice a year–I go for “THE DRIVE” with my niece and her BFF.
Something magical happens while driving around in that car at night.
Something about driving in the dark, being inside the contained space of the car, facing forward into the night… I just listen. I ask questions. I tell them my stories of being their age. I don’t freak out. I don’t try to fix anything. I’m curious. I say tell me more. So they do.
They tell me everything.
When they run out of things to tell me they say “JoJo ask us questions.” So I do. I ask really good questions. They answer them. With gusto.
On these drives I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I feel like I’m holding the most precious, sacred, holy butterfly in my hand. These tough, tender-hearted, wise-beyond-their-years girls tell me everything.
I don’t know about you, but I sure didn’t have an Aunt JoJo when I was a girl.
Here’s the thing, though: it’s not too late. That teenager is still inside you wanting to kick down a door, perhaps, or whisper a secret, or change the world in some big or not so big way but isn’t quite sure how to do it.
If you have a story to tell and you’re not sure how to tell it, let me drive around in the car with you at night!
OK since we probably won’t have a chance to drive around in the car at night, I’ll ask some questions here:
Tell me about the time you said something you weren’t supposed to say, or did something you weren’t supposed to do.
Tell me something you did this year that you’re wicked proud of.
Tell me about a time you were scared to do something, and you did it anyway, and were glad you did it.
Tell me about a time you were scared to do something, and you did it anyway, and you totally bombed, but you didn’t die.
If we do get a chance to drive around in a car at night, or spend time in my office together, I’ll listen, and ask good questions, and help you find the stories and tell them so you mesmerize and inspire your listener and make lasting and real connections.
Did you have an Aunt Jojo? Someone who really listened? Tell me about her, (or Uncle Joe?), in the comments below.
That quirky thing you don’t want anyone to know about you
December 12th, 2014
Let me tell you something about myself:
I’m kinda quiet. A little bit intense. You could say I’m a shy introvert.
I’ve been told more than once that I seem aloof.
Sometimes I can’t think of anything to say.
When I work with girls I tell them that when I was their age I would go for days without speaking, and Check it out…now I’m a public speaking coach.
That makes them gasp.
Lots of people assume I’m a vegetarian, but in fact I’m a voracious meat-eater.
I’m getting through this winter with a bike and a bus pass and a FOB that lets me drive any car in the Boulder/Denver CarShare fleet. And I get all tingly with excitement when I figure out how to get from one place to another on two wheels or ten, (but not 4).
I have a cold frame where I grow greens in the winter, and two nights ago the glass got smashed when one of my deck chairs flew off the deck and landed smack dab in the middle of the cold frame glass. Grrr.
Mostly I’m gluten-free these days, but I still won’t make a pie crust without the gluten. Simply not worth it.
Sometimes I buy a $4 chocolate bar with the intention of nibbling on it over several days, and then I eat it all in one sitting.
I turned 51 last week.
Yep. It’s true. Alla that.
And I’m the fear-blasting storytelling maven for entrepreneurs and people with a mission.
How bout you?
People say you’re kinda woowoo?
Or you’re too much this or too little that?
Or you live in Boulder and you’re not gluten-free?
Or you’ve got this quirk, this obsession, this thing you can’t stop thinking about, but it’s weird and if you were to show anybody besides your lover or your mom that part of yourself…well…who knows what would happen?
What if you got to bring all of yourself everywhere you go as you move about your days?
What if you got to show the truth of who you are when you spoke?
What if that’s exactly what people wanted?
That’s what I’m talking about. It’s the only way to go.
When you show the real you, even the parts that don’t fit into the version of you you think you’re supposed to be, real connections get made.
That’s what we get to do together.
Your voice. Your truth. No more hiding.
I had so much fun teaching my FREE WORKSHOP last week. I loved the voices and hearts getting real together in that room.
I left feeling so much joy.
And I tell you what there were some tears in the room cuz sometimes that’s what happens when you let your full humanness shine through.
So I’m doing it again. I hope you can come. Or send someone you know who wants to bring more of themselves into their speaking.
Someone who has a story they haven’t told yet.
Or an embarrassing zit they’re hiding.
Here are the details.
In the meantime, got a quirky factoid about yourself you’ve been keeping under wraps? Share it in the comments below and let it see the light. It’s been hiding for a long time.
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